26 November 2010

26 Nov

It’s a strange thing to see how empty it is here, since I have so much to tell. The tricky part is to find the time to do that. Maybe I should start blogging from my phone – however people do it. I’m gonna keep pondering on that for a while, and do some research on it as well. Just because every now and then I actually get a really good idea (good to me, at least) or an interesting thought that I want to write down, but by the next time I start my laptop I have either forgotten what I wanted to say or don’t feel like saying it anymore.

With that said, moving on to our group presentation today. It went… better then last time. But I still get so awfully nervous each time, that I hide behind my notes in my shaky hands and stutter and stumble throughout the whole thing.
I don’t get it, I should be used to oral presentations by now, shouldn’t I? After all, I have sang, acted and even danced on stages in front of much, much, much bigger audiences many times before, but holding a presentation in front of… approximately 25 classmates – that I can barely make it through.
Maybe it has to do with my year off, free from school, and anything educational, really, or unless you don’t consider life itself to be educational. I would say that I truly have learned a lot during that year, but mostly that it is not in my nature to have an entire year off. I mean, seriously, after two months I was already restless. After 5 months I was aching to continue studying, to send my applications, get that big acceptance envelope (I really was a bit disappointed to find that they send acceptance emails instead nowadays) to start my very first term at university… A university full of others who are older and better. Sometimes I feel like a small chick, or a nestling, in a sea of fully grown and learned birds, a couple parrots and a frog (but that is off-topic, haha). But someday I’ll be a hummingbird, all grown and always so fascinating and independent. And someday I’ll be living in a Big Ole City.

A color plate illustration from Ernst Haeckel's Kunstformen der Natur (1899), showing a variety of hummingbirds. 

But first, I need to recover from this busy, month-long week. Good night, all.

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2 Responses to “26 November 2010”

  1. Jannike Saturday, November 27, 2010 at 11:02 pm #

    Jag vet lite hur det känns..! Jag har också problem med det där med nervositet!! Jag KÄNNER mig sällan nervös, men lik förbaskat så börjar händerna skaka och darra samtidigt som rösten går upp och ner, och det är så sjukt frustrerande! :/

    • Marianabanana Sunday, November 28, 2010 at 12:18 am #

      Åh hej, Jannike! Ja, precis så känns det för mig också! Varför går det inte över? =/

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